tearmeanewone | rendez-vous + APPOINTMENT POST

[She squeezes back.] Then maybe I'm not unnerved because you've already seen my heart. Every good and bad thing in it.

And you've already seen mine, which makes the two of us even. At least yours has a lot more good to balance out the bad in mine.

[Elizabeth doesn't say anything. ]

[But she does give Gai a love-punch right to his solar-plexus.]

[Ow, okay, that kind of hurt. Gai looks suitably chastised by that reaction, though his expression remains serious.]

There are still things I haven't told you, and some things I may never tell you. Not because I don't trust you, but because I don't know if you want to hear them.

But I don't care about those things. There is nothing you can tell me, short of the fact that you're in love with someone else, that would make me leave you. Nothing.

I don't need to know every detail, every thing you still hold as a secret. I want to hear what you want to tell me. That's enough for someone like me.

It isn't about whether you would leave me over them or not. It's about things that could somehow be brought up in an experiment someday-- things you shouldn't have to find out that way.

[And now that he's thinking about it, the idea of some sort of shared-memory experiment being a possibility... dear god, he does not want those things just dumped on her like that.]

Not all of them are things that I've done.

[Elizabeth takes that in for a moment, thinks about what she would feel if she were in the same situation. She wouldn't want Gai to find out about some of the things that had happened to her, either. Not in an experiment.]

[She laces her fingers through Gai's and kisses him again, softly.] If you want to tell me, I'll listen. If you don't, and I find out anyway, you should know that no matter what I found out in an experiment, I'm not going to blame the delivery method on you. I would bear that weight, and wish I could have been there in the moment to bear it with you.

Are you sure you would want to hear?

[It's a serious question. She really doesn't have a context for the sort of things he's seen; he knows that much. The resistance movements in her world were brutal, no doubt, but he knows that even that probably isn't an equivalent to what he'd experienced in Africa.

More than that, he knows that it would hurt her to know some of the things he's been through.]

...No, I'm not sure. [She runs her thumb over Gai's in a soothing, thoughtful gesture. Something to do while she organizes her thoughts.]

I can only imagine what you would tell me. What things you've seen, what you've been forced to do... [She squeezes his hand again, trying to push away the images she had created after Gai recounted his journey home. They were disturbing, but she knew that she would be even more disturbed if she didn't know anything at all about Gai's experiences.]

But maybe it's causing you more fear and anxiety to keep it to yourself and worry what would happen if I found out. But maybe it isn't, in which case... I'm sure I love you. And I'm sure I want to know everything that worries you, everything you love and hate, everything that you wish I wouldn't do...

At the very least, I'm sure I want to hold you while you tell me these things.

[The gesture is soothing, enough to make his entire body relax just slightly against her, and he gives her hand a squeeze of thanks in return. It isn't that he has trouble talking about his experiences-- as far as he's concerned, they're in the past. They're not subjects he enjoys dwelling on, but he's also come to terms with them by now.]

I don't want to keep any secrets from you, but I don't want to hurt you, either. I know it would hurt you to hear some of them.

[He brushes a kiss against her hair.]

It's up to you whether or not you want to know. I won't judge whatever decision you make.

[At first, Elizabeth wants to immediately reassure Gai that there isn't even a question as to whether or not she might or might not like to know. But then she remembers that there are things that happened to her, moments where her hand was forced or where her resolve wavered, that would anger or hurt Gai too. Something she would protect him from before deciding to talk about it. He was doing the same for her.]

The only thing I want is for you to never hesitate to tell me something. [She slides her free hand between Gai's cheek and his pillow.] I would bear any secret, any painful memory, any worry for you.

If you told me something that hurt... what matters is that we're happy now. I'm not going to lose sight of that. Living in the present is, sometimes, the only thing that keeps me smiling. If I get caught up in the past-- [Elizabeth nuzzles up into the warmth of Gai's neck.] --I would miss this moment. [She inhales his scent and puts a kiss on him.] And this one.

[Elizabeth's hand on his cheek causes his face to relax into a gentle, loving smile; he turns his head just enough to kiss her palm and nuzzle it affectionately. It's in moments like these that he feels truly safe and relaxed, and if she were to ask him, he would be happy to open up to her about even the darkest moments of his past. There's no need to hide anything, not from her, not if she really and truly wants to know.]

I want to keep on living in what we have right now and what we'll have in the future. But I also know that part of being able to do that means letting go of what happened in the past. And there's only one way to move on, if you're willing to listen.

Of course I am! [Elizabeth pulls back so she can put her eyes on Gai's level and really look at him and connect.] I want you to be able to let go, I want to help however I can.

[She brings their hands up and between them, holding the back of Gai's hand to her chest in a gesture of encouragement.] Tell me everything that's on your mind, and I'll listen to it all.

[Gai meets her gaze with his own and just lets her look right into his eyes so that she can see he means every bit of what he says.]

It will be ugly, and it's probably going to hurt both of us to tell and to hear. Even so, I'd rather get it out so that it isn't hanging over my head every time an experiment rolls around.

Wait, wait!

[Elizabeth wiggles on the bed until she's pressed her forehead to Gai's. Then, she wraps one arm around his waist and keeps the other under his cheek.]

Alright, I'm ready if you are.

[In response, Gai slides his own arms around her to hold her close, partly to reassure her and partly to anchor himself while he tells his story. These memories aren't pleasant ones to be bringing to the surface, even after almost a decade.]

I told you before that I was a soldier as a child... after Lost Christmas, I fled Japan, determined to become stronger so that I wouldn't be unable to protect anyone should anything happen again. Eventually, I ended up in Africa. I had no family or guardians, which made me the perfect recruit for a militant group there. They wanted child recruits, I wanted to become stronger. It seemed like the perfect arrangement to me at first.

[Oh, how naive he had been...]

[Elizabeth is quiet and listens, keeping her eyes open and looking as though she might vibrate if she stares any more intensely.]

It seems like a simple one, yes... But it wasn't?

[Gai lets his eyes slide shut for a moment and gives a slow shake of his head.]

I wasn't yet eight years old when I made my first kill. They took us along to raid a village and told us that they would kill us if we weren't willing to kill the civilians there.

One of the other boys refused. They made good on their threat.

[God. Gai was eight?]

[Elizabeth feels a shiver race up her back, but she holds as still as she can and keeps her arms around him.]

And you couldn't get out either, I suppose... Because otherwise they would kill you?

[Now Gai opens his eyes to look at her again, nodding.]

They killed another boy for crying because he missed his family. Show any sort of weakness, and you were disposed of. They didn't have the time or resources to waste on those who weren't going to do what they wanted.

[Now that, that does make Elizabeth shake slightly. Gai had been around these people, these animals who killed children. Like Daisy had threatened to do.]

[She pushes it all back, holds Gai tighter. This is hard, Gai hadn't been exaggerating in the slightest. But she's going to stay with him if it kills her.]

How long were you there? With them?

Until I was twelve years old.

[He tightens his own grip in kind, as much for his comfort as for hers. It's a portion of his life that he hates thinking about, even if he's well aware of the fact that it's in the past.]

I met a mercenary named Shibungi on the battlefield one day. He told me I had potential, said I should come back to Japan with him. So I did.

I can understand why... [Anything, anything to get away from all of that. But still, four years of showing no fear, no emotion--not being able to make a choice.]

And then what happened?

I got to find out just what had been going on in Japan with the GHQ while I was gone. Shibungi gave me more refined training, and with his help, I started Funeral Parlor in order to fight back against the GHQ.

[From one battlefield to another. It was the only way he knew how to live, the only place he felt comfortable. He'd become stronger for a reason, after all.]

And you were twelve? [Elizabeth tries to laugh, brushes her thumb across Gai's finger.] When I was twelve the only thing I was trying to refine was how to put a bow high up in my hair.

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon

September 26th - The Marathon... and starting a tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things

September 26th - The Marathon... tw for all sorts of horrible child soldier things