tearmeanewone | sept + video

Entry tags:

mallynap

sept + video

[Video]

[When the video starts up, it’s very clear that the recording is accidental and loud--there's a strange whooshing noise that has a mechanical drone to it, and the image of Elizabeth, just outside the library surrounded by odd glowing airstreams, is on its side and at a sharp upward angle, the strap of her bag obscuring a bit of it.]

[Which is fairly alarming in itself. Arcs of light seem to be coming from speaker-shaped instruments attached to the droids surrounding her. Anti-tear measures, to make certain she can’t fight back--perhaps because her boyfriend had already given them too much trouble. Elizabeth clutches her head and screams, trying to run despite feeling as though her head is about to explode. She puts up a fight, kicks and flails, but eventually there's too much to defend against while suffering the dizzying siphon. The droids overpower her and she’s pulled out of the frame and away. Seconds of that strange mechanical drone continue over the feed, then once it’s faded, the video cuts.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll go fight.

[In the end, the battlefield is still where Gai is the most comfortable. No matter how much he might try to pretend that he can live a completely normal life, there's still a part of him that yearns for the familiarity of combat. Fighting - and killing - are what he knows best, and they're what he turns to when he feels like he's losing control in other aspects of his life.]

What's there to fight? Our enemies are too strong. It's not like back home.

[Where they actually had a chance against the GHQ. What does Gai have in mind?]

I can take one of the missions.

[There are combat-based missions, he knows that much. This is the perfect excuse for him to try out one of those regular missions that he'd heard some of the others talk about.]

Let me come with you. [Gai is making Shu worry too much.]

I'll help. [Shu sounds more sincere this time. He owes Gai for last time.]

[Gai turns to level a calm, assessing gaze at Shu.]

You'd just get in my way.

[It's less that and more that he knows that Shu hates fighting and is only volunteering to do it because he feels like he owes it to Gai, wants to help him out, or some combination of the two.]

[Pretty much. Gai's got an accurate idea of the situation here. There are more reasons to Shu wanting to help Gai. Those ones are just the major ones.

He starts to feel bad because Gai hit ones of Shu's weaknesses. He doesn't want to get in Gai's way.]

What if something happens to you? If you get injured and Elizabeth comes back then...[Shu doesn't need to finish that sentence.]

Then I'll go see Law and have him fix me up. Elizabeth won't even need to know.

[He wants to fight. He needs to fight, because it's the only way he knows of to express all of the emotional turmoil that he's feeling right now. He's angry and upset and he needs to get that out somehow in a way that doesn't involve inflicting violence on Shu or anyone else here.]

No! [Shu won't accept this. You can almost see Shu's blood boiling. He yells and shouts at first. In spite of that, he quickly calms down and regains his cool. Gai can really get under Shu's skin.]

You aren't going to risk yourself for that. For something so meaningless too. Fighting that way won't solve anything. You're just running away.

[The look Gai fixes Shu with this time is far less measured and more irritated, though he's careful not to let that seep into his voice, unlike Shu.]

You would know all about running away, wouldn't you?

What of it? [He's challenging Gai to keep going with that thought. Shu isn't afraid of what Gai has to say. He's staring right back at Gai trying his best not to be intimidated.]

It isn't running away if I plan on coming back.

[Which he does-- all he wants to do is go relieve some stress in a way that he can't at the Battle Dome.]

You still won't let me help you?

[He didn't become stronger so that Gai could do things on his own. Shu's seen how reckless Gai can be in combat. Someone needs to watch over him.]

This isn't your problem-- there's no need for you to get involved.

[Gai feels as if he's explaining things to a small child. Ironic, really, given how reluctant Shu is to fight under normal circumstances. Usually it's Gai pushing Shu into participating in things, not Shu offering of his own volition.]

You should stay here where it's safe instead of getting in my way on the battlefield.

That's all there is? [There might be more reasons for Gai's decision. Shu wants to hear them all before he decides if he should listen to Gai or not.]

You shouldn't bear the burden alone. I know what I'm getting myself into. Trust me.

[Gai regards Shu a moment longer before turning away so that Shu can't see his face.]

I bore it alone for years. Another week or two isn't going to make any difference.

[Shu starts to feel a bit conflicted. On one hand, he knows that Gai's not telling the truth. Gai can't honestly feel that way. When Gai looks away it makes Shu feel disheartened and distant. When had Gai gotten so cold? Sure, Gai wasn't always the nicest. He was strict and disciplined his people until they dropped, but Shu knew he was more than that.

Shu walks over to Gai with his eyes filled with tears and shakes his shoulders.]

What happened to you?

[This time Gai does meet Shu's gaze, unblinking and unemotional-- the Gai Shu is no doubt used to seeing by now. The cold Gai, the leader, the man who could make decisions without hesitation.

However, unlike the Gai from their world, this Gai's eyes are shadowed with pain, try though he might to hide it. He has changed. He's changed, and even he still isn't entirely sure how to deal with all of these new emotions he's discovered here.]

... I fell in love.

[It's a simple answer, but it's also the truth.]

[Shu sees that expression and it's so shocking to him. So shocking that he lets out a gasp and he can't look at it for too long. He turns away as fast as he can and falls down to his knees. This isn't the Gai that he wanted to become. What was he going to do? Shu didn't like seeing Gai that way.

All he can bring himself to do is let out a sharp yell and cry.]

[Shu's reaction doesn't come as much of a surprise to Gai. In truth, he can probably guess at the exact reasoning behind it: seeing Gai upset must have shattered the illusion Shu held of Gai being a perfect, calm leader. But that's just what it was-- an illusion. Gai wasn't emotionless, not now and not ever. He'd simply perfected the art of acting like he was.

In that sense, it's for the best that Shu came to this discovery now rather than later, before he devoted too much more time to trying to become what he thought Gai was.

Gai won't do or say anything, not yet. Instead, he'll just stand there quietly and let Shu sort things out for himself.]

[Despite finding out the truth about Gai he still wants to keep going like he always had. This makes him even MORE determined to become Gai.

Eventually, Shu figures that the Gai from his own memories wouldn't cry and scream on the floor in agony. He picks himself up and wipes away his tears. There's something cold and unnatural about the expression Shu's wearing. He's forcing himself to be something he's not. However, Shu himself has always been a bad liar. If Gai looks close enough then he can see some tears flowing down from Shu.

He's pretending they're not there. ]

Shu.

[When next Gai speaks, his tone is calmer, more controlled. He sees those tears, and they don't surprise him at all, but he also knows better than to comment on them and put Shu on the defensive. They can both just pretend they aren't there.]

Do you still think I'm nothing more than the way I act as a leader?

[Honest answer? No. Gai's definitely much more than that. It's difficult for him to accept nonetheless. Gai's still someone he wants to become.

Shu grumbles to himself uncomfortably before slowly shaking his head. He doesn't want to say his answer out loud.]

Shu.

[Use your words, Shu. Gai wants to hear you say it out loud.]

[He's wearing a more bitter expression because Gai's making him face the facts. ]

No, you're more than just a leader, Gai.

But...no matter how hard I try I'll never become you.

You don't have to become me. You're fine just the way you are.

[Well. Maybe not the way he is at the moment, but Gai has faith that he'll get there eventually.]

Or maybe I should say that you'll be fine once you stop trying to be me and start trying to be yourself.