[Oh she definitely doesn't look like she doesn't like it. Elizabeth glows at the idea of being called by an affectionate nickname-- it's the first time, in fact. She tries to bite her lip to keep from looking too thrilled, but it's clear Ivan has made her incredibly happy in this moment. She kisses his temple in a burst of joyful energy, then rests her forehead against his.]
[No, she really doesn't get the idea Ivan, she's never spoken Russian before. But nonetheless, she looks fascinated and a little eager to call Ivan by one of these endearments. Though it doesn't look like he particularly likes them...]
So... you wouldn't like me calling you Vanya? Or Vanechka? [Her smile develops a bit of a pout.] I like them.
( then maybe he wouldn't dislike them so much. after all he doesn't want to take away her fun so soon, and hell -- it doesn't sound so bad when she uses them. )
I do! [She shifts a little closer on Ivan's lap, wrapping her arms around his middle and laying her head on his shoulder.] I may be brave when it comes to things I used to do all the time, but I've never kissed someone as much as I've kissed you... Vanya.
[Elizabeth grins, idly resting her hand on his sternum and taking in the quiet moment.] But you haven't let any doubt I've had take root.
( ah, see, his opinion of that particular diminutive is already rising. )
I'm glad. Both counts, really. ( easy now, ivan. he's fine, sitting like this, running his hand through her hair. ) It's supposed to be fun, above all else. There's no point in it, if it's not.
( that gets a laugh from him, and he relaxes back in the chair -- elizabeth still in his lap and ivan dragging her down to lay partly on his chest. )
Nervous as hell. First time having sex, too, when I was fifteen. Every boy likes to pretend they know what they're doing, even when they don't. She was older than me, one of my great uncle's stable hands. ( he considers this, remembers the times his uncle had to call him off from swiving the serving girls in his mother's house and coughs slightly. ) It, uh, might have set a trend for a few years.
( this is nice, though, and he lets out a sigh as his eyes drift shut, hands still running up and down elizabeth's sides and back. )
...Older girls who liked horses? [Elizabeth looks a little concerned. She'd known that Ivan was far more experienced than she was right out of the gate, but he's been sexually active since he was fifteen?]
[Elizabeth kissed a boy for the first time about... fifteen minutes ago. And she is definitely not older than him and has no horses.]
Well, ha, I'm here to tell you Ivan I definitely do not know what I'm doing and can't possibly start to pretend. [She finishes with a weak little chuckle and a hope that she isn't going to become too boring too quickly...]
Maybe the older part stuck more than the other, but uh. No. ( servants, elizabeth. servants. but refocusing -- ) I know.
( he cracks an eye open to look down at her, moving his fingers up to card through her hair -- still short and choppy, although not nearly as much as it was months ago. )
Do you think I think that's a bad thing? ( he asks, trying to figure his way around this. normally he'd just let it be, but he wants to set the record straight. ) Because I don't, not in the slightest.
Really? [Elizabeth looks up at him, wanting to be reassured. She likes Ivan, more than she should probably, given no doubt he'll move on someday, but she wants to be someone he wants to spend time with for as long as possible.]
I don't mind that you're more experienced than I am but... I just... [She bites her lip and looks embarrassed. She can't believe she's about to admit this.] I don't want to bore you. You must have been with a lot of interesting and... talented women, and you just gave me my first kiss ever.
Every woman's interesting. ( he supplies, which is cliche but also: part of the name of the game. you have to find something interesting about a woman in order to hold a conversation, and the conversation is key to getting what both parties want. he's old hat at this, elizabeth, he's got the moves down. ) You don't bore me. I don't-- ( here he flounders, not used to emotional vulnerability, least of all about his romantic life.
he likes women, and sometimes he does get bored with a relationship. that happens, that's part of relationships as far as he understands. but that's not the only reason. he denies his mother the thing she wants most for him, he doesn't drag someone he cares about into the bloody mess of barrayaran politics. commitment and marriage has ended in death too many times in his family for ivan to feel like he ever wants to bring someone into that. )
Your inexperience isn't going to drive me away. It's kind of exciting, if you're worried about that. ( that's probably not going to help, and ivan flounders more. ) Just be you, that's who I like. That's who I want to date.
[Under normal circumstances, being told just to be herself would be a huge relief. Except she hasn't told Ivan almost... everything. The tears, Comstock, Rapture--]
Ivan--
[He's so handsome. And so warm. And he makes her feel like she can be cared about by someone. Is she really going to risk that for something that isn't operative anymore? That can't happen anymore?]
[No. No way in hell. She deserves one nice thing, just one. He doesn't want to know, she can be herself without dragging him through all of that suffering.]
[She smiles up at him, sliding a hand against his cheek and putting a kiss on the other one.] You say the sweetest things.
( he says with a small smile in return, wrapping his arms around elizabeth to hold her closer to him. she's a comfortable weight on top of him, warm and not too heavy. and a good level of squishiness as well, which ivan always considered a bonus. )
I think you should stay here for a bit, take a break.
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( he'll stop using it if she doesn't want him to, hand stilling on her waist as he looks up at her. )
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And what do I call you? What's your nickname?
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and then she asks about his. ivan grimaces slightly. )
Vanya's the most common diminutive. Ivanushka, Vanechka-- you get the idea. M'mother doesn't even use any with me.
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So... you wouldn't like me calling you Vanya? Or Vanechka? [Her smile develops a bit of a pout.] I like them.
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( then maybe he wouldn't dislike them so much. after all he doesn't want to take away her fun so soon, and hell -- it doesn't sound so bad when she uses them. )
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[Elizabeth grins, idly resting her hand on his sternum and taking in the quiet moment.] But you haven't let any doubt I've had take root.
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I'm glad. Both counts, really. ( easy now, ivan. he's fine, sitting like this, running his hand through her hair. ) It's supposed to be fun, above all else. There's no point in it, if it's not.
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But you can't say that you weren't nervous the first time you kissed someone. ...at least a little?
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Nervous as hell. First time having sex, too, when I was fifteen. Every boy likes to pretend they know what they're doing, even when they don't. She was older than me, one of my great uncle's stable hands. ( he considers this, remembers the times his uncle had to call him off from swiving the serving girls in his mother's house and coughs slightly. ) It, uh, might have set a trend for a few years.
( this is nice, though, and he lets out a sigh as his eyes drift shut, hands still running up and down elizabeth's sides and back. )
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[Elizabeth kissed a boy for the first time about... fifteen minutes ago. And she is definitely not older than him and has no horses.]
Well, ha, I'm here to tell you Ivan I definitely do not know what I'm doing and can't possibly start to pretend. [She finishes with a weak little chuckle and a hope that she isn't going to become too boring too quickly...]
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( he cracks an eye open to look down at her, moving his fingers up to card through her hair -- still short and choppy, although not nearly as much as it was months ago. )
Do you think I think that's a bad thing? ( he asks, trying to figure his way around this. normally he'd just let it be, but he wants to set the record straight. ) Because I don't, not in the slightest.
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I don't mind that you're more experienced than I am but... I just... [She bites her lip and looks embarrassed. She can't believe she's about to admit this.] I don't want to bore you. You must have been with a lot of interesting and... talented women, and you just gave me my first kiss ever.
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he likes women, and sometimes he does get bored with a relationship. that happens, that's part of relationships as far as he understands. but that's not the only reason. he denies his mother the thing she wants most for him, he doesn't drag someone he cares about into the bloody mess of barrayaran politics. commitment and marriage has ended in death too many times in his family for ivan to feel like he ever wants to bring someone into that. )
Your inexperience isn't going to drive me away. It's kind of exciting, if you're worried about that. ( that's probably not going to help, and ivan flounders more. ) Just be you, that's who I like. That's who I want to date.
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Ivan--
[He's so handsome. And so warm. And he makes her feel like she can be cared about by someone. Is she really going to risk that for something that isn't operative anymore? That can't happen anymore?]
[No. No way in hell. She deserves one nice thing, just one. He doesn't want to know, she can be herself without dragging him through all of that suffering.]
[She smiles up at him, sliding a hand against his cheek and putting a kiss on the other one.] You say the sweetest things.
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( he says with a small smile in return, wrapping his arms around elizabeth to hold her closer to him. she's a comfortable weight on top of him, warm and not too heavy. and a good level of squishiness as well, which ivan always considered a bonus. )
I think you should stay here for a bit, take a break.
( a further break. with him, obviously. )
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[
I'm not sorry.]I think that's a good idea. What do you think I should do while I'm sitting here, hmm?
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are you ever)Well-- I don't suppose you've got reading you need to catch up on?
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........sometimes.......?]Mm... it can wait.
[She puts her fingers under Ivan's chin and starts them off again, shifting up in his lap to get at his lips again.]
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It sure can. As long as you want.
( who needs books? not ivan vorpatril. )