tearmeanewone | onze + voice/action

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onze + voice/action

[Voice]

Has anyone seen Booker DeWitt? Tall, sandy hair, typically frowning, has 'AD' on his hand? He's at Good Spirits usually, but I haven't seen him there in the past few days...

[She's been looking, too. Ever since that strange hole in everyone's memory, the destroyed wall in her bedroom, and Booker doing a disappearing act, she's felt very uneasy about his being missing. But all of his things were still in the house, so he couldn't have gone far...]

If anyone sees him, would you let him know that I'm-- that Elizabeth is waiting for him to come home?

[Action]

[In the mean time, there's a giant hole in her bedroom wall, and her bedroom is, of course, a disaster area. It's a little unnerving, truth be told, to not remember where so much damage came from, but she's trying to focus on Booker instead of her own memory. She's trying to distract herself with cleaning--moving chunks of wall out onto the grass outside, shaking out her bedding, attempting to put a curtain over the giant hole until it gets fixed...]

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[Elizabeth is standing on her bed, trying to hang a sheet with stars on it over the hole. It doesn't quite fit over all of the hole, but she's trying.]

[She turns around when Gai comes into the room and smiles briefly.] I suppose that's something I should do soon.

There should be enough leftovers in the fridge for lunch. I can't guarantee the same for Robert and Rosalind, but they can fend for themselves whenever they finally remember to eat.

[Normally he'd be right up there offering to help, but for some reason he's feeling more achy and sore than usual. For all he knows, it has something to do with Booker being missing. It's the most logical explanation.]

Let's leave the leftovers for them-- they're working. [Elizabeth turns around and steps down off the bed to look at the sheet. There's still a good six inches that isn't covered, the hole is so big.]

...I probably should get out of the house for a little bit. This hole is driving me crazy.

Seventh Heaven it is. We can worry about getting the rest of it covered up when we get back.

[He moves from the doorway now, making his way over to her and pulling her into a hug with a kiss to the top of her head.]

Maybe we can pick up a tarp at the store on the way home. It'd be more waterproof than just a sheet.

You don't like the stars? [Elizabeth tries to be her usual teasing self, but it's only halfway there. She wraps her arms around Gai and holds herself there for an awkward measure of time. It isn't a brief hug, and it isn't a request for Gai to hold her-- it's uncertain of what it wants to be.]

[Elizabeth pulls back and takes Gai's hand.] What do you feel like eating? Maybe we can share something. [She hadn't been very hungry lately either.]

Sure I do-- I like them outside where they belong.

[He teases back, though even on his end it's more than a little half-hearted. The way she hugs him is just more proof of how worried she is about the current situation, and while he hugs her back, he isn't sure of what else to do. Comforting has never been his strong suit; he's well aware of that much.]

I'm up for whatever you want. You like yakisoba, right? We could get that to share along with something else.

Alright, that sounds good. [It would be warm and it would probably fill her up. Elizabeth realizes, grimly, that she's probably been starving herself and just doesn't realize it. Was she thinner than usual? Had it even been long enough for something like that to show?]

[She smiles again and pulls on Gai's hand, intending to lead him out of the house and towards Seventh Heaven. Maybe she just needed a good meal and some warmth. It was so cold in her room.]

[And he lets her pull him, though he makes sure they stop to bundle up first given how cold it is outside. (And inside now too, no thanks to that hole in the wall.) She definitely hasn't been eating as much as usual, something that's concerned Gai, so her seeming eagerness for a meal now is a good sign in his eyes.

He keeps her hand gripped warmly in his, making sure to give a soft squeeze every so often just as a form of reassurance. But as far as saying something goes... he isn't sure what to do. Loss is something that he's had to numb himself to over the years out of necessity. He's afraid that anything he might try to say will end up coming out more cold than he means it to.]

[Elizabeth caught on, earlier in the week, that Gai didn't know what to say. Neither did Robert. No one knew what to say to her. And she wanted someone to say something, yes, but what? If she didn't know, how could they?]

[She puts on her coat and scarf as Gai bundles up too, but she's quick to take his hand back before they head out the door. They were engaged, they were supposed to be happy, bright and cheerful all the time. She was ruining things by focusing too much on what might have happened to Booker. Nothing was certain, his things were still in his room, she was worrying too much.]

I know-- [She turns so she can walk backwards with Gai's hand still in hers.] --after lunch, we can go back to your apartment, warm up a little there...?

[That would fix it, right?]

[Gai blinks, then quickly smiles. That hadn't been what he'd been expecting, but if she thinks it will make her feel better, then far be it from him to say anything about it. ... unless, of course, he were to get the feeling that she isn't really into it, in which case he'll put a stop to things then and there.

But they'll cross that bridge when they come to it, which won't be until after lunch. Food and seeing if that will help her feel a little better first.]

Sure, if you want. We can just relax and have a little fun for a while and not think about anything else.

[He gives her hand another squeeze and smiles.]

[Yeah, that would be nice. A little kiss, a little squeeze, Gai would bring her old self back. She'd forget how sad and scared she was if Gai just took care of her for a few minutes.]

[Even if the idea doesn't give her that usual flicker of interest right now, it would when they got there... probably...]

[She ponders that in silence as they walk, expression shifting from deep contemplation to determined neutrality.]

[That shift in her expression doesn't go unnoticed by Gai; rather, he simply chooses not to confront her about it right now. Chances are that bringing it up would only put her on the defensive and ruin what they'd set out to do, which was have a nice, relaxing meal.

Still, a part of him wants to tell her that he understands that feeling, that desire to use sex as a tool to remind yourself that you still feel something, anything at all. It isn't something he's proud of, but it is something he's familiar with.

Instead, he too remains silent, because he isn't sure how to bring the subject up in the first place.]

[But even as lost and worried as she feels now, she still feels how heavy the silence is between them--and she doesn't like it. Elizabeth wants, so badly, to be Gai's smiling bride, but what she's feeling now is very close to how she felt when Gai had disappeared. Despondent, lost, cold, afraid, angry... But she doesn't know whether or not to feel those things wholly, because she doesn't know if Booker has truly been taken away.]

[She doesn't know for certain, so she has to stay cheerful. For Robert, for Gai.]

[She summons a smile and squeezes Gai's hand again.] What goes with yakisoba?

[The irony is, Gai would never fault her for feeling that way. He knows that cold feeling, that emptiness, that anger and the belief that everything has been for nothing. If left unchecked, it can become all-consuming... the exact same force that turned both him and Booker into the people they are now.

The very last thing he wants is to see Elizabeth go down that same road.

When she squeezes his hand, however, he's quick to smile back down at her to avoid betraying any hint of his train of thought.]

Whatever you want to go with it, but you can't go wrong with miso soup.

Mm... soup does sound good. I don't know how much of a stomach I have for heavy food right now, to be honest. [She snorts quietly and swings her and Gai's arms idly.] Maybe I'm pregnant? [It's meant to be a joke, even if it's a little odd.]

[That's enough to get Gai to stop in his tracks and grimace, even though he's pretty sure that she's joking.

... she'd better be joking, or else they might have to push the date of that wedding up.]

Let's hope it isn't that. I was hoping to have you to myself for a few years first.

No, it's not, trust me. [She stops too, blinking and wondering why Gai stopped walking. Well, he'd always been terrified whenever Elizabeth brought up the possibility of being pregnant, or skipping their contraceptives. It wasn't a funny joke, and Elizabeth thinks to herself that if she hadn't been feeling so down she would have avoided it. She wouldn't have made Gai worry intentionally.]

[She realizes as she stands there and analyzes what she said, that she's completely out of sorts and wants Gai to fix it. But he can't, he doesn't know how and Elizabeth doesn't know what to tell him to do.]

Booker's dead, isn't he? [It's an incredibly abrupt subject change, but it's what everyone had been thinking and no one had been saying--she knows it.] He's dead... and I can't even remember how I got him killed this time.

[Ah, he'd thought as much. The fear had been there, and they all knew it; without any proof or memories, however, it became more of a nebulous possibility that no one really wanted to address directly just in case one of them HADN'T been considering it before. The end result was that it was in the back of everyone's minds, yet none of them wanted to be the first to bring it up.

He understands that.]

I don't know. We don't know, without any memories of what happened over the weekend. He could be dead, or he could be kidnapped. There's no way for us to know for sure.

[Then his voice softens.]

And that just makes it worse.

No, that's not the worst part. [Elizabeth swallows, trying to steady her voice and push down the lump in her throat.] The worst part is that some of the damage looks familiar. The torn up grass, mostly, and the hole in my floor.

It was Songbird, I know it was. My jailer. [The more she admits out loud, the tighter her voice becomes. Gai is going to see her cry at this rate, and Elizabeth couldn't bear to do that to him. What could he do except watch her, and suffer because nothing would help?]

[She tries to stop herself from crying by pulling, hard, on her ponytail and wringing it with great intensity.] He's never done anything to me, he's never hurt me before. He's only killed the people who threatened me, or tried to keep me from him. I know that, I know that. So why did I leave Booker alone with him? Why did I run away to leave him to be killed?

Songbird?

[She'd spoken of Songbird before-- her captor back in Columbia, the giant creature that had made sure that she had stayed locked in her tower and that no one was able to get close enough to rescue her before Booker came along. But how could it have appeared here and then vanished within a matter of days? Even with the unpredictability of Shifts, it seemed improbable.

Still, none of them could remember anything, that much was a fact. If Elizabeth thought the damage looked like something caused by Songbird, that combined with their strange memory loss made it all the more likely that there was something unusual at work here.]

Even if it was, there's no way to know for sure what happened. For all we know, you could have been fighting him off just as hard as Booker was.

[He's trying to apply logic to an illogical situation and he knows it. The words ring hollow even to him, but what else can he say?

Instead, he opts to enfold her in his arms in a protective yet gentle embrace, one hand coming up to stroke her hair soothingly. If she needs to cry, she can let it all out. Maybe that will make her feel better.]

You can't let yourself get mired in 'why's and 'what if's. The only thing that's going to do is make you feel even worse about the situation. None of us would've been a match for him if it was Songbird, but even if I don't remember what happened, I know that wouldn't have stopped me from trying to fight him anyway. And I know Booker would've been the same way.

That's not brave, it's suicide. [Elizabeth still refuses to cry, despite Gai's cues that she should let go. This is serious, she can't just fall apart when there's a bigger danger. Gai can't go around thinking that Elizabeth wants him to fight impossible and fatal odds.]

I could have stopped it. The last time Booker faced him, he would have died if I hadn't put myself between them. If I hadn't let him take me away. [Which, yes, had resulted in torture for her. But Booker had lived to come back, and that was all that mattered.]

You're both idiots. What am I supposed to do without you and Booker? I might be alive, but what would the rest of my life be?

It's what you do when you love someone. You'd do anything to keep them safe.

[In his eyes, it's as simple as that. He wouldn't think twice about laying down his life for her; while he may not know Booker all that well just yet, one thing he's certain about is that the other man would do exactly the same thing without any regrets.]

Or are you trying to tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing if either one of us had been in danger?

[It's making an assumption, yes, but he knows her. He knows how much she cares about both of them-- the fact that she's saying she should have sacrificed herself to protect them even if it wouldn't mean physical harm to her is proof of that much.]

I wouldn't leave you alone... [Elizabeth has to bite her lip, hard, to keep herself from crying.] I promised I wouldn't leave you alone, I promised I wouldn't leave him alone. No matter what I had to do, I wouldn't just leave you to mourn me.

[At least, she wouldn't want to. She's seen Booker ache over the loss of his wife, she never wants Gai to feel that continuous and slow-burning pain.] I would do anything to keep you safe, yes. But I'm not going to break my promise to you either.

[There's a moment of silence while Gai considers this. He'd do anything to keep her alive; of course he would, because she's the entire world to him. But at the same time, he also knows the pain of being the one who is left behind, and while he may want to protect her, could he really knowingly inflict that same pain on her? He isn't sure.

Instead, he just hugs her tightly.]

Then I guess that makes us both fools.

I've never felt idiotic loving you, not once. To me, it means we're trapped in a wonderful and terrible place--we can't live without one another.

[Finally, Elizabeth's tears spill over despite her desperate attempts to keep them under control.] I always wanted friends, and family... and lovers... when I was in my tower. I never stopped to wonder what would happen if I lost them. I never realized how afraid I would be once I fell in love with someone.